Closet Humor
by P. Franz
Summary: "I got you now, Carly Shay! Now you'll be forced to kiss me, marry me, and have little nerdy children with me! Ha ha ha! A fate worse than death!" Rating changed to M for explicit sexual situation/s. CAM
1. Chapter 1

**Annddd, here's my second iCarly one-shot. Hope you guys like it. It's a bit better than Star-Stealing Girl, in my opinion. :P I could have taken it further...but I figure that's best for another time and place. lawls**

**Enjoy! And remember, iCarly's not mine, no matter how much I wish.

* * *

Hmm, croaker001 has informed me that in the episode iSpy a Mean Teacher, that it was Carly and Freddie who get stuck in Ms. Briggs's closet. I got it wrong. xD Well, this is what would have happened had it been Carly and Sam, which is obviously why the writers chose to make it Freddie and Carly..because nothing would happen. xD  
**

"I can't believe we got ourselves into this."

"It's not _that_ bad. We're just trapped in a closet inside a crazy lady's house."

"If Ms. Briggs finds us, she's going to kill us."

"Wrong. She'll just torture us with her annoying bag pipes."

"That's just as bad."

I stood up and walked up to the large cardboard cutout of Randy Jackson beside us.

"What's with all this stupid Randy Jackson stuff, anyway?"

"I guess she's is obsessed with him."

"He's not even that great of a judge. She could at least be obsessed with Simon or that lady."

"Paula?"

"Yeah, whatever."

I looked behind Carly at the small shrine Ms. Briggs had set up in honor of her beloved judge, squinting my eyes in an attempt to see clearer, as it was dark in the room.

"Hey, I'm hungry. Hand me that box of cereal behind you."

She looked back at the cereal box.

"You can't eat her Randy-O's!"

"Why not?"

"Because they're not yours."

"Neither is any of the food at your house, but I eat it anyway."

"Yeah, but that's different. You-"

"Shh, I hear something."

Carly stood up and we both rushed to the door, pressing our ears against the cold, paint covered wood. Outside the closet, I could hear the jingle of what sounded like either a small bell or dog tags.

"When did she get a dog?"

I shrugged.

"Goodnight, Pookums."

Good, she was going to bed. Now we could get out and go home. I snorted, whispering.

"Pookums?"

"Goodnight, Randy!"

Her shrill voice hurt my ears. I cleared my throat, but Carly caught me before I could say anything. She knew exactly what I was about to do.

"Do you _want_ her to catch us in here?"

"No, but it _would_ be kind of funny. Don't you think?"

"Not really. She'd probably call the cops on us."

I backed up from the door and sat down in a random chair placed in front of the Randy shrine.

"Come on, Carls. Have some fun."

"I was trying to, until we got stuck in here."

"What would make you happy, then?"

"I don't-"

"Oh, I got it. Pretend I'm Freddie and you have to escape my insane, geeky love for you. Watch out!"

I stood up, threw my hands up, and darted toward her. Not sure exactly what I was thinking; I was pretty delirious at this point.

"Computer! Mega pixels! HTML! I love you!"

She just laughed and ran to the other side of the closet. This continued on for about a minute and a half when finally she got bored and stopped running. It was then that I took the opportunity to pin her up against the wall with her hands above her head.

"I got you now, Carly Shay! Now you'll be forced to kiss me, marry me, and have little nerdy children with me! Ha ha ha! A fate worse than death!"

She played along.

"No! I'm too young to die!"

We laughed for a second then things went silent.

"So, what? Ol' Freddie here doesn't get a prize?"

"For what?"

"For finally catching the elusive Carly. The Carly that likes Sam more than him."

I wondered if she'd fall for it. She giggled, looking slightly downward at me. When our eyes met, it seemed to turn our lips into magnets. She tilted her head sideways a bit and I did the same; it was like some unseen force was pushing us together. I dropped her arms from above her head, trying to avoid making this into something it shouldn't have been. Carly, however, had plans of her own, it seemed. She deepened the kiss, pushing our lips together even more so, causing me to fall back a little. Out of pure instinct, I grabbed her waist with both hands and pulled myself towards her, determined not to let our lips part. She let out a slight moan against my mouth that threw me for a loop and I unintentionally released a low growl in response. A second later, I felt her tongue along my lips, begging to be let in. I gave her what she wanted, grateful that she was the one making all the advances and not me; which made me look _almost_ completely innocent. This was my first kiss and I wondered if Carly knew it; I was pretty sure this was her first, also, but by the way she was going about it, I would have had to say otherwise. Our heavy make out session lasted for a few minutes and I enjoyed every bit of it. I wondered to myself whether or not Carly knew what she was doing to me. And was it even _me_ she was imagining she was kissing, or was it Freddie? Although, How many times had Freddie tried to kiss her and she refused? _Too_ many. I immediately removed my hands from her waist and backed up a few feet. She ran her sleeve across her mouth, indicating to me that I needed to work on my kissing; apparently it was sloppy.

"I'm sorry. I got carried away…"

"It's fine."

Things got quiet for a few seconds before I opened my big mouth again.

"You really do like Freddie, don't you?"

She looked up at me, shaking her head.

"I wasn't even thinking about Freddie."

I frowned in confusion.

"Jake?"

She shook her head again.

"No."

"Then who?"

She sighed a heavy sigh and looked down again, twisting her hair in loops around her finger. I could feel the tension in the air.

"Car-"

"_You_, Sam. I was thinking of _you_."

**At the request of a couple of you, I _might_ turn this into a complete story instead of just a one-shot. Or at least a two-shot. We'll see. :D**


	2. Chapter 2

"Real- ...Me?"

She just looked at me for a second before speaking.

"Is it that hard to believe?"

"Well, I just-"

"I've been fighting the urge to kiss you for over a year now."

"I-"

She threw her hands up and began venting to the ceiling.

"Come on, Sam, don't tell me you haven't thought about it. Don't tell me it doesn't haunt your dreams and-"

"Carly!"

Her eyes found mine again. I smiled, finding her frustration cute.

"I-..."

My eyes darted to the left towards the door, then slowly to the ground, then back up at her. I found that it was hard to speak at this moment in time. Of course I'd thought about it; I'd thought about it more than I thought about kissing any _boy_. Did that mean I was-

"Yeah, I have."

I smirked, caught up in one of those ephiphanous moments, where every little clue that I failed to pick up on when I was younger suddenly made sense. The army men in place of Barbies, the constant gawking over other women that _I_ thought only meant I wanted to be like them, the lack of interest in guys, the boyish style of clothing and the hating of dresses. Then later, the awkward feeling that encompassed me when Carly would come out of the shower in just a towel, the way I watched her lips move as she talked, the way I hung on her every word, the smile that seemed to creep across my face when she would say or do something that I thought was cute, the fact that I _found_ things she said or did to be cute. Hell, _she_ was cute. These weren't normal, best friend occurrances. At least, I didn't think they were.

"Sam, we-"

I stepped toward her and hooked an arm around her waist, pulling her close to me and crashing our lips together again. I pulled my head back a bit, then kissed her again, and again, not wanting to ever stop.

Suddenly, the door knob bean to jiggle and, before I could back away from Carly, Ms. Briggs jerked the door open and planted herself in the doorway.

"What the- What the hell are you two doing in my house?"

I dropped my arm from Carly's waist and turned to my teacher.

"I, uhh, just checking out your Randy shrine, Francie. Looks good, yep!"

Grabbing Carly's hand, I went to push past the short Scottish woman but she stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

"No you don't, Puckett. I'm not letting you off that easy. Now, tell me what business you two have hiding in my shrine, euh, closet!"

Carly shoved me out of the way, realizing I would do nothing but make this situation worse than it already was, and she was right.

"We were doing some research for our next iCarly segment."

"In my closet? With your hands all over each other?"

My eyes widened; Carly froze.

"We were-"

"Carly's back was hurting, I was only trying to find the knot and massage it out...it's what best friends do!"

I touched Carly's back and she pretended to wince.

"Yep, there it is. Now, if you'll excuse us.."

I looked up at Ms. Briggs. She gave us a once-over and sidestepped out of the way, taking in a deep breath and unleashing her shrill voice right into my ear.

"Get out of my house before I call the cops, you hooligans!"

As we sprinted out, I heard the same dog tags from before rapidly jingling behind us. That damned dog was chasing us. Carly let out a shriek and threw herself against the glass door, trying with all her might to pull it open. I snickered and looked behind me at the dog. It was a small Scottish terrier who's head barely came up to my calf. No threat there.

"Might wanna unlock the door, Carls."

I pointed to the black latch behind the handle. She giggled and flipped it up; then jerked the door open and we fled out of it.

"Peace, Francine!"

* * *

And there she was again, sauntering out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, making me awkward and feel like I shouldn't look at her.

"You know, you're not bad at improv."

I chuckled.

"Yeah, getting out of sticky situations is an art of mine."

She laughed and sat on the bed beside me. Awkward, yet exciting.

"So..."

Reluctantly, I peered over at her. She was staring at me with a foreboding gleam in her eyes.

"So..."

My face twisted into a look of worry.

"We need to talk about what happened, Sam."

I sighed quietly.

"Yeah."

I looked away.

"We kissed."

"How did it feel?"

I didn't really have to think about it at all. It was lovely. Kissing her made me feel things I had never felt before.

"It was good. You're a great kisser."

I smiled at the blanket in front of me then looked at her. She seemed discontented with my answer.

"_Emotionally_, Sam."

"Carly, can we do this _after_ you put some clothes on?"

I shot her an uneasy grin. She just giggled at me.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

I laughed sarcastically at the rhetorical question.

"Are you _trying_ to make me think bad thoughts? You can't sit there in a towel and expect me to just be okay. You _do_ things to me, Carly. _Things_!"

My discomfort was showing all over my face and in my body language.

"_Things_? So the kiss _did _affect you?"

"Of course it affected me. Why do you think I kissed you the second time?"

I paused.

"Clothes, woman!"

She stood up and went over to her dresser to find pajamas, all the while smiling. And then it ocurred to me: sleeping next to her tonight was going to be harder than it had ever been before. I shook my head; back to the topic at hand.

"So it was a good experience?"

I didn't look at her while responding, as she was changing into her pajamas.

"Umm...definitely...good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I, uhh...it made me feel all tingly and stuff."

"Tingly..."

"It felt right..."

She walked back over to the bed and sat down beside me, positioning herself in my direction.

"It did."

I looked up at her, any doubts far from my mind. She was smiling, a twinkle in her eye, lips begging me to take them and make them mine. I gently touched her face with my right hand, giving her fair warning of what I was about to do. Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to hers, noting that they were very soft and luscious. I pulled back then kissed her again, this time opening my lips some. She mimicked me and allowed my tongue to slide into her mouth and onto hers. They danced together so naturally like it had been done a thousand times before. It _did_ feel right; it felt like this should have happened long ago, like it was meant to be this way: she and I. Carly and Sam: the "and" wasn't just an article anymore, it was a connection, an identifier that let people know what we were. Not that we were dating or anything, but that we were like soul mates or something. That's what it felt like, anyway. When I linked my fingers with hers, they felt like they belonged there; like our hands were two conjoining puzzle pieces, made for one another and intended to fit together. She broke the kiss, eyes closed, lips still parted, almost out of breath. As her eyes opened, I could see they were glazed over with tears.

"Carls, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just...so happy."

I smiled, still minutely stuck in my own reverie.

"I like you. _Really_ like you. More than a best friend should."

Pausing, I caught my breath.

"So, what are we gonna do about this?"

**Okay so...reviews, please? I need to know if you guys like where this is going so I can continue. :) As always, thanks so much for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's chapter 3! I'm taking a break from Why Not to focus on this story/_possibly_ start on a new one. Hope you enjoy this chapter! I know I enjoyed writing it! lol**

"Well, that depends...what do you _want_ to do about it?"

"I-"

Just then there was a knock at the door.

"_What?_"

We both yelled in unison, silently cursing the knocker that interrupted our conversation. The knob twisted slowly and the door crept open, revealing a terrified Freddie on the opposite side of it.

"What do you want, Dorkwad?"

"Geez, what were you guys doing that was so important? At least I knocked and didn't just barge in like _some_ people do."

He glared at me, no doubt mentally referencing the countless times I walked into Carly and Spencer's apartment unannounced. I shrugged off his attack and threw out one of my own.

"If you had barged in here, I would have barged your nub ass right out the window."

I nearly growled as the hostile response escaped my mouth. He rolled his eyes and joined us in Carly's room, quietly closing the door behind him.

"What are you doing here, anyway? It's like midnight or something and _way_ past your bed time."

Freddie looked at the technologically advanced timepiece that was wrapped around his scrawny wrist. I half expected him to punch a button and the thing to announce the time to us in some fake, robotic voice. His eyes narrowed as he peered back up at me

"For your information, you blonde demon, it's ten fifty eight...and my mom's gone to my uncle's for the weekend, so I don't _have_ a 'bed time'."

He emulated quotation marks with his fingers as he said "bed time", following it up with a middle finger, pointed to the ceiling, but clearly aimed at me. I smirked at his newfound bravado.

"Besides, I just came over to see what you guys were up to. Mental note: don't ever do _that_ again."

He mumbled the last sentence under his breath, speaking to himself but still making it loud enough for us to hear. So I mocked him.

"Mental note: Punch the dork in his-"

Carly placed her hand on my forearm and said my name. It was so sweet-sounding, and it amazed me how easily she could subdue me without serious physical means. I shut up instantly and crossed my arms, if only to portray to Freddie my antagonism towards him.

"We were just talking, about to turn in for the night, actually. It's been a long day..."

We weren't about to go to sleep, she had just politely said that to get him to leave without being offended. My mouth twisted to a toothy grin. Freddie glanced over at me, confused, then back to Carly, inefficacy prominent in every wrinkle on his forehead.

"Alright, well, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow, then..."

His ellipsis begged a response.

"Yeah, we'll do lunch or something."

"Yeah. Call me when you guys wake up."

"Will do."

She smiled at him. He smiled back as he moved his hand to the door knob. He hesitated a bit, not completely wanting to leave, but when he saw me watching him, his pace quickened and out the door he went. I laughed at the power I held over him.

Turning to look at Carly, my mood changed almost instantly. Nervousness overtook me and I felt my heart drop to my feet. I swallowed hard, watching her walk to the lightswitch and push it down, into the off position. My eyes were adjusted to the sudden darkness by the time she got back to the bed. Carly sat down beside me, her butt closest to the pillows and mine in the middle of the bed. I looked at her, eyebrows bent upward, begging her to tell me what I should do. This position was alien to me; usually I was the one in the lead, the one that always knew what to do, but this time _I_ needed directing. She could tell instantly that I was out of my comfort zone.

"If you're uncomfortable with this, we don't-"

I cut her off, not wanting to hear the rest of her sentence.

"I'm not uncomfortable...I just...I'm nervous, and kind of scared."

"Scared? Sam Puckett doesn't get scared."

"Yeah, I'm not afraid of heights or spiders or snakes or...being arrested...or any of the things normal people are scared of. But I'm afraid that if we do this, I'll..."

I sighed.

"I just don't want to end up disappointing you somehow."

"Then don't."

It was an immediate, matter-of-fact response accompanied by a look of confidence. The look in her eyes triggered a rush of calm that captivated me from head to toe. My heartbeat slowed and suddenly I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

I scooted closer to Carly and pressed my lips to hers, tangling my fingers in her hair and caressing her cheek with my thumb. Breaking the kiss, I pulled back, dropping my hand, then met her lips with mine once again. This time I pushed against her using my whole body and gently guided her down, my hand cradling her back, until she was flat on the bed with me over her.

My hands roamed her body, getting to know every inch blindly while I coaxed out raspy, stifled moans from her with warm breath and soft kisses on her neck and collarbone. The tank top she donned gave me easy access to these turn-on spots, but eventually it became too much of an obstacle for me and I paused my discovering hands and stripped her of it.

She wore no bra underneath and for that I was thankful. I hesitantly broke away from her neck, tracing along her pulse point with my lips, down along her collarbone and to her milky white breasts. Carly whimpered as the tip of my tongue teased one of her nipples while my thumb and forefinger minded the other for a while. My name escaped her vocal cords in a breathy moan after I turned my attention to the stretchband of her pajama pants. I could feel the heat radiating from between her legs as I pulled the bottoms with her panties over her slender, sexy hips; down her thin, svelte thighs; around her moderately toned calves; and finally off of her dainty feet; I disgarded them on the floor. She seemed just as anxious to get them off as I was, lifting her butt up so I could pull them over it and pulling her feet out as I held the garmets.

I wanted to say something about the fact that she was shaven, how the sight of her smooth, bare ladyparts generated a liquid heat between my own legs that I almost couldn't control. This wasn't just my first time with a girl, it was my first time _ever_, so the fact that my body was reacting the way it was kind of surprised me. Only, it didn't surprise me all that much. It just made sense, I guess.

Self-revelations aside, I turned my attention to Carly's inner thighs. Kissing, nibbling a bit, making my way towards her core with each movement I made. She squirmed beneath my touch, her body language begging, _pleading_ me to make my move, to caress her with my tongue and give her the pleasure she so desired. I gave her what she wanted, only I don't think she expected it to feel the way it did. Her hips bucked at the sensation of my moist tongue sliding softly against her tender lips, sending chills over her entire body. I smiled to myself, knowing that I was the one making her feel this way. I positioned my right thumb about an inch above Carly's clit and pulled the skin up, exposing more of the pink bundle of nerves. Flattening my tongue, I ran it over her clit, pressing down slightly harder than I had earlier and her hips bucked again. I repeated this process over and over again, rejoicing in her reaction every time. She moaned and whimpered a bit, her breath catching every time my tongue touched that sensitive spot.

Suddenly, her hands were balled up in my hair, pulling my mouth closer to her core. I stiffened my tongue and flicked it back and forth over her clit, feeling her jerk and tense up with each stroke. After a bit, I took the first two fingers on my left hand and ran them lightly up her inner thigh, stopping with my tongue for the moment. When I reached her opening, I teased it a bit, wetting my fingers with her juices before slowly slipping them inside her. Carly gasped as I eased them in, pushing against my hand with her hips and quickening the process. I pulled them out a little, then pushed back in, her hips once again moving against me. We developed a rhythm and I resumed flicking her clit rapidly with the tip of my tongue. She spread her legs as wide as she could, inviting me in fully. I pushed my fingers in until my knuckles were wet and held them there before beginning to rapidly bend and unbend my fingers, hitting her ultimate pleasure center with every movement. She couldn't contain herself after that. This action provoked some of the sexiest moans I'd ever heard, uttering my name in between cries of pleasure and gripping at the bed sheets like she'd float away if she let go. Her back was arched, preparing for climax. As her walls began to clench, I stopped moving my tongue and fingers and let her enjoy her peak. Carly's body tensed up and jerked as her insides contracted around my two fingers, eyes welded shut and mouth agape from pleasure.

As her body calmed, I slid my fingers out and threw myself on the bed beside her, bringing the covers up with me so her naked body wouldn't lay exposed. She turned on her side, facing me, and cupped my face with her hands.

"Wow..."

I smirked.

"Where'd you learn to do that?"

I had wondered the same thing.

"I'm not sure, it just kind of...happened. My hands and stuff were moving, but it's kind of like I wasn't really controlling them."

"Well, whoever or whatever was...promise to keep them around?"

She giggled as I smiled.

"Sure, Cupcake."

She kissed me, holding her lips to mine and pushing hard for several seconds.

"I love you, Sam."

**I'm a little...ehh about this chapter. In my 9 years of writing, I've _never_ written a love scene...so, this is my first. Hope it was decent enough. haha Please review!**


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